If you forgive others too many things, you lose your value and yourself!
„Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.“ – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In my life, I went through a period where I reacted very impulsively to everything around me and I immediately argued.
I was not looking for any reasonable arguments, I did not see the other side. I only saw myself and only defended my own opinions. And of course, I had an opinion on everything and everyone.
Some would call this period puberty, but I don’t like to use that word. In my opinion, everyone can have such a period and they do not have to be at puberty at all.
Then I had a period when I didn’t respond to anything around me.
I didn’t have my own opinion and even though I had it, I kept it to myself because I tried to be good to everyone and forgive everyone for anything.
I haven’t been able to find the golden middle way for a long time.
The truth is that if you forgive others everything and sometimes too much, you slowly but surely lose yourself. You don’t think about what you want or what you feel, because you just forgive others, even if sometimes you don’t really have to forgive anything to anybody. And this shit goes on with you indefinitely. Until you make a stop to it.
And it doesn’t matter what time in your life you just are.
So do you understand why I don’t like to use the word puberty?
My biggest mistake has always been that I knew how to forgive others too many mistakes. I was the type of person who had to break his head against the wall to understand that some things just wouldn’t go the way I wanted, that some relationships would go wrong, that in some groups I would never appreciate, that I would ever experience such moments, which will not be cut out of my ideas…
To some extent, I’m still that kind of person.
In the end, I don’t regret it. Because if I felt any regret, it would mean that I keep coming back to these moments, I still deal with them and I don’t have them processed in me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and there is some truth hidden in everything.
Jen Sincero in her book „ You are a badass“ say that: „ The moment you decide to forgive and let your negative feelings melt away, you are on the road to freedom. Because forgiveness is all about taking care of you, not the person you need to forgive. It is about putting your desire to feel good before your desire to be right. It is about taking responsibility for your own happiness instead of pretending it is in somebody else´s hands.“
I couldn’t understand it. It didn’t make sense to me. I had to read it several times until I understood what she meant by that.
Sometimes it really doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong. It’s all about you and your inner voice, feelings. What’s best for you.
It’s about forgiveness and moving forward for your own good, not someone else’s. So if you want to be free and happy, you have to forgive.
Well, here someone could argue and claim that I still claim that if I forgive others too much and always I lose myself.
And here Sincero continues and say that: „If you are having issues with someone you care about, explain how you feel without putting the blame on them and regardless of the outcome, forgive them. Your talk may bring you closer together or you may discover that you don’t want to hang out with as much or at all, but either way, if you want to be free, you have to let it go.“
This second part that I kept doing wrong and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has it that way.
I surrounded myself with people I argued with, didn’t talk to, ignored, but in the end, I always forgave them. In my head, I’ve always argued that these people are my family, close friends, or just people around me. Therefore, I considered it important to forgive them and give them a second chance. And not just a second chance but way more…
Well, it didn’t always have the effect I wanted.
The more chances I gave, the more the other side didn’t appreciate it. The more I tried to show people that I wasn’t angry and that I wanted us to function as before, the more I saw on them that I was just for fun to them. Basically, I let them do too much.
I believe that this is not just my experience. It just works that way.
If you forgive the wrong person, you may fall in his eyes. You will lose your authority, your price. Suddenly you are someone you can sweep with…
If you give too many second chances and you are willing to forgive the same mistakes, you have to reckon with the fact that it will never come back to you. You will become a matter of course. The one that can be jumped over the head. A woman who will never leave, because if she wanted to and could do it, she would have done it a long time ago. A person who forgives everything and therefore people can afford everything with him.