Midnight talk
How to be selfish and avoid stress

How to be selfish and avoid stress

When someone says that a person is selfish, it usually evokes negative feelings in you. But you forget, that sometimes just thinking about yourself can make you be selfish, positive selfish. Can you see the differences between or its too thin line?

When I was writing my latest article, I came up with one important thing, that I think many people forgetting or perceive quite negatively. And that on the way to your own happiness and contentment, you have to be selfish at times. I’m not talking about something completely negative that will hurt everyone around you. I mean healthy selfishness, so-called positive selfishness.

Let’s break it down a little bit more.

tired, sadness, selfish
unsplash picture, Anthony Tran

For a long time, I was consumed with the thought of pleasing other people until I started having stress-induced panic attacks. I was lost in myself and what I want. I tried to be nice to everyone, listen to everyone and be friends with everyone. Whenever anyone needed it, I was happy to help, even at my own expense. I didn’t cause conflicts and I preferred to adapt just to make others happy. That time I spent a lot of time at work and whenever someone needed it, I took an extra shift. I calmed down by at least making extra money.

In that stage of my life didn’t think about myself and I was just trying to keep things together. I was still tired and often irritated. I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning because I didn’t want to face people and other responsibilities.

Now I know I needed to be more selfish.

I already know that it was not possible to make everyone happy. There were too many incompatible circumstances and responsibilities. I thought that if I made others happy, it would make me happy too. But that’s not how it works, I tried and I failed.

I began to think about it, and I realized that I had done nothing for myself.

I didn’t take care of myself, I didn’t pay attention to myself, I didn’t like myself, I didn’t have any self-confidence and I didn’t believe in myself, so my body returned me with interest. And that, too, was actually one of the triggers for my life change.

It makes sense. If I have never invested in myself, why should I be in good mental, physical, or other condition? I had to learn to be the best version of myself. Put myself first. To be selfish so that I can live better so that I can be happy.

So is it possible to be positive selfish and avoid stress? And if yes how to do it?

I have a few ideas…

Be selfish and give yourself space

There are so many demands on us every day that we forget what it’s like to be alone with your thoughts. Before I graduated from college, I often wondered what I was going to do with my life. I haven’t seen myself in a career as a lawyer, but the society or family expected it as I studied it.

Every summer during my university, I worked abroad and was in contact with very interesting people who were full of vigour and vitality. I was suddenly left alone with my thoughts without any intervention from those around me. It was very liberating. I started to see things differently. That’s why I decided to try it myself and go out into the world.

In my opinion, everyone experience such a period at least once in their life. In such a case, it is more than necessary to be selfish and give yourself space to organize your thoughts.

Because otherwise you risk satisfying the demands of society, parents or anyone, but you will not satisfy your own demands. And I don’t think that’s worthy.

picture from unsplash, Lacie Slezak

Be more selfish and improve eliminate some of your relationships

Whenever someone close to me expressed his opinion or said something I didn’t like, I didn’t do anything because I always listened to “it’s your family” or “they’re your friends”. SoI felt bad to go against them or, at worst, removing them from my life. But the truth is, it’s a choice. It was my choice to don’t do anything, and it’s your choice to don’t do anything.

You decide who you dedicate your time. If people around you are sucking energy from you, restricting you or pulling you down, limit contact with them. It’s a choice. There is nothing wrong with that. Some people are simply not in a life stage as you, they are envious, jealous or simply your paths are naturally divided. If you get rid of these people, you will give space to new ones to enter your life.

If you need advice on how to recognize such people or relationships, click on my next article about toxic people.

friendship abroad, relationships
unsplash picture

Be more selfish and take care of yourself

It happened to me that when I wanted to rest and do nothing, I felt guilty. I still can’t rest when I have so much to do but I work on that.

When I came to Bournemouth I was involved in many activities. I was alone in the new city, so I wanted to try everything and as quickly as possible. I also said to myself that I would not neglect my personal development and I would be constantly educating myself, so I was constantly taking some courses and spending time in the library.
It was great for a short time, but over time I always got tired and feel like I’m not doing anything 100%.

That’s why I realized that just as important as being active is being able to relax, find time for self-care. Sometimes it’s good to be a little lazy. As they say everything in moderation.

Be more selfish and be yourself

This is the greatest thing you can do to honour yourself and your truth. I have learned in life that the more I transform, the harder it will be for me in life and nothing will go naturally. Maybe you said several times, why am I where I am? Why things don’t work the way you want them, why someone is more successful than you, and so on …

Well, I’ll tell you one thing. This just takes your energy unnecessarily, it destroys your self-confidence and spoils your mood. Don’t focus on it. Focus on yourself and your dreams.

Work on yourself and trust yourself, because that’s the only way you can achieve everything you want to do in life. I think…I guess…

unsplash picture, Kristopher Roller

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